I had big hopes for life when I was little. I thought life was special.
But as I got older I saw that life isn’t special at all.
Back in the day my classmates were drinking a lot and I realized there’s a thing called computer – I told my mom that I’m gonna be indoors for the biggest part of my life.
I didn’t want to work. Since working is done by selling your time. Back in the day I actually wanted to live – but fast forward to now. I’m living frugal 13 years. Since 18 years old. Soon I’m 31.
Every day I sit at home and lurk online. I tried many online endeavours but none of them worked. So I quit doing them. The only endeavour that’s left is this blog. I don’t do anything else.
I hoped that I’ll earn money online. That was a great dream but as I tried to do things – nothing worked out.
Now I’m writing this blog. And look back at my life – my life sure isn’t bad. It’s an average life. Mediocre one.
I didn’t strive for anything special and now I have what I deserve – most people say that. But capitalism made us all poor.
Capitalism made us pursue money, even though life would be better without money and personal wealth. But anyway – there are people who want to live good. They guard their riches and influence – good.
Me? I don’t have any riches – my only wealth is computer with web connection. My dad was killed because he had a lot – after that I look sceptical at riches. Rich people are greedy.
But that’s not my problem.
As long as I can write whatever I want – I’m good.
Frugal life isn’t that bad. Americans call it minimalism.
The difference between frugal and minimalism is – you live frugal when you can’t afford many things and minimalism is when you can afford but don’t want it.
Frugal is fine too. I have my anxieties, apathy and slight depression. The antidepressants didn’t help. So I quit them.
Still I don’t want to work because I can’t find anything I would like. Sent my CV to writing agency but they didn’t accept me – so fuck them.
I’m a poor writer. A starving artist. And it’s nice to starve when the place is abundant. You see people having this and that – and you don’t understand why you can’t even get the basics on your own.
Somebody has to support me. Now that’s my mom’s job. She does a fine job at supporting me.
I say yay for the upcoming frugal years. I’ll be living the same way I’m living today – because frugal is easy and easy is best. Why try hard when other people can do things better than you – why bother learning and selling, when you can’t even imagine how the computer is made – most of the stuff – I don’t know how it’s made therefore I can’t sell it.
I don’t want to sell my time. I would write my blog nobody reads – instead, because writing is the dream. Maybe someday I’ll be successful.