Why the hell people want to connect with me?

I’ve been doing blogging as long as I remember. And I noticed that over the years more and more people start to know me.

I don’t say anything – it’s great.

But why do you all want to connect with me? You add me to Facebook friends and then there’s silence – you don’t say anything.

Being known has its disadvantages. People start to recognize you on the streets and pass by with an angry face. As if I was the enemy of the state. I don’t like that.

You all can ignore me, but I’m here living and having a great time.

I started blogging to share my thoughts and ideas. Had never imagined that people will hate me for no fucking reason.

That’s sad.

People are full of hate. I hate all of you motherfuckers who hate me. I hate back, too.

That said. I’m going to vanish for couple of months. So that people would forget me. I’m stopping vlogging – I think. Or at least I’ll share less about my personal life. There’s been just too much attention.

I don’t have the time and the mood to address to your feelings about me and my life. You all have your own life – and it’s the main reason you shouldn’t worry about mine.

We all are people, we have our own needs.

But you shouldn’t be interested in my life and what I do in life – that’s my problem – not yours.

Life has been pretty tough for me in the past 6 years. I have to cope with schizophrenia everyday. It’s hard for me to wake up out of bed each day. I stand up from the bed when it pisses me to sleep.

Remember that I’m not your friend. I don’t know you – just your nickname on Youtube. That’s it. Even if you know me that doesn’t make me your friend.

The less attention I get the better for all of us. I don’t want to be famous. I just want to share my thoughts and experiences of life. That’s it – you don’t have to read my blog, you don’t have to watch my videos, you don’t have to make me donates.

If you don’t like me.

There are enough stalkers already who stalk every my move.

And then remind me my own mistakes. That’s a bit disappointed.

I made somewhat 2500 videos and I don’t remember what I was talking but you do and you always remind me when I said something wrong or bad and that’s disappointing because you can’t forget what I told.

I’m here not to make enemies and not to make any new friends – I’m just out here to do my ‘business’. I don’t have to be liked or disliked.

I don’t need your attention. I’m mostly doing videos and writing blogs for people who know me in real life. Everybody else isn’t my concern.

People who know me will like everything I do.

I’m done trying to impress you. I have to admit I tried, tried to make my videos as interesting as I can, but nothing worked.

That’s why I’m doing a little break from Youtube and from Facebook.

I have to think about the next move I’m going to do.

And it’s a tough decision. Since I have to always think about the money, how I’m going to survive the crisis. I’m in crisis already 10 years and nothing good has happened during this time.

It’s kinda strange that new opportunities don’t arrive.

People don’t offer any deals.

It’s hard to earn with donations. I did earn recently. But that’s not a lot – I want to thank you all for your donations. Your donations bought me a new computer. That’s great.

I never imagined you guys can fund me. But remember I’m not your friend unless you know me in real life and we met.

Sure chatting over the web is great, but real life encounters are better. I made few real friends from the web. I met people. We ate pizzas, drank beer, but now it’s 3 week I’m not drinking. And I don’t want to drink anymore – at least some time.

I have problems with nicotine and alcohol. Monday I’m going to the doctor I’ll ask him to prescribe me Champix. I’ll try to quit smoking with medication, because without medication I simply can’t. I don’t want to die from lung cancer. Currently I’m smoking one pack of cigarillos per day. That’s a lot. And I’m coughing every time I make a puff. That’s a sad story.

Over the course of ten years my life didn’t change. I didn’t pursue any goals. I was in the gym, but I’ve quit it. It’s too hard.

I just want to note that I’m an underachiever. I achieved so little during my life – that it’s a shame to admit it.

Also my apathy didn’t vanish. I tried using antidepressants but they didn’t help me. I’m still apathetic.

I have to rethink my life. Maybe I have to get an education. But educating myself would cost money – and the only thing I’m interested is philosophy. I don’t want to study anything else. Sure I could learn philosophy from books, but I hate reading. Listening to audiobooks is boring too.

I know I won’t go studying. Because it costs money – and the next issue is, what can you do when you graduated philosophy? I sure don’t want to be a teacher. In fact I don’t want to work at all. But someday I’ll have to – I think.

My health is going worse and worse. Each year I’m getting older. My health isn’t as it used to be. Sometimes my heart hurts – I guess it’s from smoking. I have to quit smoking otherwise I’ll die soon.

It’s been long years since I’ve started smoking. Over these years I’ve managed to quit 3 times. Two times lasted for 1 month and the next time just 10 days. So I can say that I didn’t quit. I guess I need medication.

To conclude this text I would say that my life is getting worse every year. Things are becoming harder and harder to do – walking became such a hard task, that I sit indoors most of the time. Exercising sure isn’t for me.

To online friendships – I’m not your friend. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. And let’s stop on this quote. I don’t know you and you don’t know me – that’s it.