I’m a big agitator of blogging. Blogging can in fact change your life, sure it didn’t happen to me. But I met new people through video blogging.
Blogging is a great marketing tool, a place where you can show off your knowledge. Sure lecturing people through the blog is boring. Everybody wants an inspiring story.
Anyway, blogging is a wonderful occupation but it won’t yield any profit for most of you guys. Gotta state the truth.
Many people, as I did, started blogging to earn money, but most bloggers quit because they realize this ‘work’ isn’t that easy.
You gotta stay fresh with stories all the time. You gotta be willing to write for years if not decades to be successful.
In fact, blogging is the only occupation I want to do. Sure I’m being naive to want money from this occupation.
It sucks that making money online is a hard task. Some get it easy, for me it’s like climbing mountain Everest. You climb slow and steady.
Well, at least I’m creating something. I don’t like to be idle. I’m always surfing, checking something. If it wasn’t for the web – I would go insane.
Today I talked with my mom and my mom told me that I’m not successful due to my disease. Which is paranoid schizophrenia.
One day I want to conquer the world, the other day I don’t. These mood swings have pissed me off!
Every day is the same. I wake up, eat, shit, sleep, repeat.
Would love to get more from life. Would love to travel to Paris and Egypt, but now with these drugs. I’m not stable. Never know when gonna go insane. Well, 3 months haven’t passed – so it should be good for 3 months. After 3 months I’ll end up in a mental hospital – again.
3 days in a row. I’m sleeping poorly. The quetiapine isn’t working now. Today I dreamt that I got out of the mental hospital, then I dreamt that I went back to mental hospital. My dreams are some sort of garbage. I didn’t have these vivid dreams until I started using drugs. Of course I got used to them but man – sometime I have these awesome dreams, but other times it’s pure garbage.
Anyway. I’m doing fine. But the antidepressants don’t help – my mood is poor. Sucks that I gotta sit on pills. To be honest. I no longer want to visit the mental house. But my disease isn’t curable, it’s only preventable with drugs. And man, I will be using drugs all my life… It kinda sucks.
Wonder what drugs will make out of my brain. These drugs are doing lobotomy to my head.
Few days ago I was in the bank, felt very constrained from the drugs even my friend noticed. When I’m home I don’t feel constrained, when I’m walking in the neighborhood I don’t feel it. But as soon as I go somewhere uncomfortable I feel constrained.
Drugs have the effect. They help, but also have side effects. Well, if I’m 18 times in a mental house. This means the drugs don’t help. I kinda live in the Matrix. My reality bends when I’m having a psychotic break and you know what’s funny. I never saw a normal reality. I just can’t imagine how reality looks for mentally healthy people. And yes, my mind degenerates, it rapidly regresses. So kinda I have turbo brain which degrades. I don’t know why this disease happened to me. I say turbo brain because the drugs slow down the brain. I’m feeling kinda slow. ‘Bullet Time’.
And now have to live in this distorted reality. It kinda sucks, but it’s okay. It’s bearable. I got used to it.
Now I just want one more thing, which all of you guys know. And I will achieve it. Someday. Maybe.