A bit depressed.

The antidepressants don’t help.

Before I started using them. I was thinking they will help, but man I’m depressed.

Luck ain’t on my side, seriously.

Couple of days I didn’t have the mood to write. Sometimes I think why the fuck I am writing this blog.

My dreams of becoming a famous blogger – vanished. This blog has the same results as my Lithuanian blog.

People are typing various keywords into Google and yet – people don’t find my blog. I’m kinda disappointed with this blogging industry.

John Chow said blogging is multi million dollar industry, but somehow not a single dollar came into my pocket.

In the end I don’t see any profits.

Visitors from Google aren’t coming. Yeah I should do more marketing but I’m lazy. I just don’t want to spam the web with my link and I don’t want to pay any advertisers.

This situation is kinda fucked up.

Advertising is very expensive or time consuming.

Companies like Facebook or Google or Amazon invest zero money into advertising. Mouth to Mouth advertising is the best way to go.

But who’s going to market my blog if not me? Right?

Ok back to depression, my friend suggested me to quit blogging because there’s no profit. He stated that if you want to succeed at blogging you have to make money, but I don’t know I kinda love writing and this place is the best place to write. I want to own my platform. Maybe someday I will be successful.

I know that it takes a lot of time to become an authority. I know my blog doesn’t rank for many keywords but I’m not even trying. I don’t want to be like those other bloggers who blog professionally. I’m kinda an amateur.

It would be great if people would support me. I’m kinda an under achiever. One of my acquaintances told me that I’m far behind in my age group… Yeah sure I’m behind. I felt for the follow your passion trap.

I wanted my life to be fun but now it’s kinda unfun. I feel so depressed because I can’t achieve my goals. This writing I’m doing is therapy for me and then later I go back to being miserable, sick, ill, and unhappy.

Why can’t life be both profitable and fun? If you work, working becomes a chore and that’s not fun.

I just can’t understand why I’m so miserable, what should I change in my life? The only thing I can do is go to work, where people don’t hire me, or go to a gym – but that’s not going to be interesting. I kinda hate doing effort.

All my life I wanted things easy, but the further I go. Situations get more complex. Why can’t living be easy?

I need to do something about my situation, nobody hires me. If people would hire me I was employed for many years, but since nobody hires me. I gotta do something on my own.

Man this blogging thing is crap. It won’t yield me any profit. It’s a joke. I’m doing everything wrong. Not web format. Not what people like. Fuck it. I’m done trying.

Why I can’t be successful? What’s the hold back? I know Google could make me rich, but no Google wants my money in order to get seen. But I won’t pay them. Fuck them.

Something is really holding me back. This damn matrix – it doesn’t let me be successful. The society is fucked up. The system is rigged. Or maybe the problem is within me?

I just don’t know what I can change.

If I could get what I want – I would be happy. But over the years I noticed that people don’t like me and what I do. There could be more fans, more subscribers, more of everything, but no, people have to hate me. I feel like an outsider.

This is a feeling I can’t explain. I kinda give give give and get zero bucks back… It’s unfair… Why some people have the talent, while I have to work hard to earn trust and everything. Some people get it easier than others. I’m sure glad I have arms and limbs but Nick Vujicic, he can’t even wipe his own ass but he’s a millionaire with a family – how come it’s fair this way?

Maybe there’s a problem with my attitude? Maybe I have to be positive and shit? To be positive in this world you have to be delusional… The Earth is piece of shit. The place is horrible, harsh and unfair.

Yesterday I got my disability check, all that’s left is 7€. Man how can you survive with that money… it’s impossible.

Anyway. I’m pissed, depressed, angry, miserable. Why the hell I can’t get what I want? What’s the problem? Nobody’s saying anything to me…

I know some of you guys enjoy my works, but I need money and you guys are bums, you can’t spare a dollar. I just give and receive nothing. It pisses me off, because while I’m giving, I can’t be rich because I don’t sell anything… I don’t want to be in sales..

I would love if more people would come to my blog. But somehow people can’t find my blog – it’s ridiculous you have to pay to Google to be found. It pisses me off!

Why can’t I get what I want? Why man…

Why is it so hard to earn through blogging?