Today I was outside with her. She shat couple of times.
But when I’m gone, she starts to squeal.
She loves me. And I love her.
Today I was outside with her. She shat couple of times.
But when I’m gone, she starts to squeal.
She loves me. And I love her.
Here, her name is Bena Starka
They said she’s gonna grow as big as a cat.
I called they said they gonna bring the dog to my door step.
You can’t believe how glad I am. I wanted a dog all the time, but my mom was like – no. But now my mom wants a dog too. 🙂
I gonna love her so much.
The dog didn’t arrive yet, I gonna update the blog when she arrives.
These days I wanted to adopt a dog from the shelter, but I realized I will be lazy to walk with it.
Please, give me no dogs. Because really. I don’t need a dog in my life.
Barely can buy some pizza’s, the dog is a huge responsibility. It’s better to have a cat, but my mom doesn’t want a cat, because she has a new sofa.
Anyway today’s a good day, was at the doctor with my friend, got my prescription, now I wait until my mom gets back with my prescription drugs. I didn’t take leponex, I told that I want cisordinol and quetiapine.
I’m used to my life, it’s been two years my cat died. I threw it away into the dumpster. Because here at the city I know no pet sematary. Sucks that happened but whatcha gonna do. I didn’t want to but I had to.
Last night I didn’t sleep. My xeplion injection has finished working and I’m out of quetiapine.
This night I slept good because I drank 5mg of lorazepam.
Now I feel good but still I don’t have quetiapine.
Today I’m going to the doctor and I don’t know which drugs should I take: leponex or cisordinol with quetiapine.
With leponex I would had to test my blood every week for 4 months – I don’t want to do that.
Today I was watching funny animal and kid videos, laughed a bit.
While watching those kids I realized that kids are awesome, I would love to find a wife.
But the problem – I have no money, no job, sick with schizo, heart disease.
I’m probably an useless man, no wife for me.
It’s hard to be loved, and it’s hard to love someone when you’re all schizo.
Money is the obstacle, woman love money and rich women love richer men. Nobody looks at me, I’m a poor sick bum. 🙂
I would love to get more out of life, but it’s not for me.
It’s a charity nose, costed 2€. Fun stuff. It makes me look funny – do you think so, too?
I have to admit, I didn’t sleep this night.
As I was drinking late night’s coffee a thought occurred – why don’t I go for a swim?
Sucks that I don’t have a smartphone, couldn’t do any photos while I was swimming.
I opened the swimming season. The water was cold, I hope I didn’t catch a cold. Pissed in the water 😀
If you read this I bet you have a web connection, if you have web connection – you probably own a laptop, pc, or a smartphone or a tablet. That shit’s expensive – it means you have some money.
If you have some money – you have work to do, if you have work to do – you own a house or a flat, you have the roof over your head. If you work – you’re healthy.
If you’re healthy – that’s a bit more important than money, you can’t buy health with money, just pills.
You can’t call it a horrible life.
In fact, there are one hundred million people who have no access to the web and are living on the streets.
I applaud you – you’re a bit better.
What’s stopping you from enjoying your life? Money? We all need more money. What would you do if you had all the money? Do that for 8 years and see what happens.
You can’t call that a horrible life.
The reality wants you do adapt to it. But if you want to change you got to do all the effort to change the reality.
We adapt to reality and reality adapts to us.
A lot of man force was required to build burj khalifa. It shows you that we can adapt the world according to our needs.
But if we are weak, the reality will form us.
The change is has to be in your mindset. If you don’t want to change the world to your needs – what are you doing here?
All great people shifted the world according to their needs.
I believe you are great – do you?
Work only on things you will own. Forget about obeying, rebel if you have to. But shift your worldview if you are a creator.
You can create the world you want to see, it’s a matter of man force you can hire.
The problem is when you have no ambitions and goals.
Then you tempt to find something special in this place. To find a place under the sun.
Many people are ambitionless and goalless. They don’t want to be discovered.
Many people wait, nor seek any guidance, but that’s not you.
You see, if you won’t change and develop positive creative habits, you are going to live tomorrow as you live today.
If your today is awesome, that’s good because your tomorrow will be as awesome as today is.
But what to do if your today isn’t that awesome. All people tell to do something, but by something they don’t tell actually what to do. Something isn’t an answer.
I could suggest you to do something, but that’s not you. You already know that you have to do something, but what’s that something.
Think about things you are somewhat good. Think about your dreams, if you don’t have a passion – that’s not your fault.
The society expects nothing from you. Most people want to quit their jobs and pursue their passions, but the problem is that most people don’t have any passions, goals, and ambitions.
If you don’t have any ambitions you are destined to fail. Creating good things requires a lot of ambition, but you can’t become abitionated when you don’t believe in yourself.
First step is to believe that you can get whatever you desire. It’s just a matter of your conscious action. If you won’t take any action, you won’t see any results. Period. If you do wrong stuff, you will get wrong results.
Enjoy life, you can be discovered if you want to discover yourself. You just need a coach – you can choose me, or somebody else. It’s your choice.
You can think various business ideas. It’s easy to think ideas. Best artists steal their ideas.
Anybody can think of an idea.
But the problem with ideas is that you can think of a brilliant business idea: like asteroid mining.
But how do you take action with such idea? It’s hard to build a star ship without any knowledge.
Take a simple idea which you can execute and take action.
Did you know that many people work for other people? Yeah, they work and after work they don’t do any side hustles. And that’s a shame.
If all people would work on their dreams the world would be different.
You know what’s stopping most people from taking action? Doubt. Yes. Doubt.
Many people think that their idea won’t work. And many people are out of idea. You don’t have to be unique, you just have to be useful. If people can use your knowledge or your ideas, they will repay you in cash. Period.
If you have a dream life, think about it for a second. Would you love to lead that life? Think about things that person should do to get that life.
Personally me, I want to be a paid blogger. I told it hundreds of times and to achieve that I gotta blog, this is what I do right now.
You see I doubted starting my blog. I was kinda scared to lose 60€ per year, but when I started – I realized that it’s the best investment I could make for that kind of cash. It opened my creative space in which you are right now.
So the problem is how do you become your true self. The world can give you so much or so little. It’s just a matter of you asking. The more you ask, the more you get. But you must be willing to take action.
Action creates a reaction, when you don’t take action, there is no reaction. You gotta put yourself out there – to connect with as much people as possible. Sure you have to market yourself, because if you don’t the other guys will outmarket you.
I can tell you one thing – get rid of your doubt and take action, be brave. Rebel if you want. Don’t obey if you can. But capitalism wants us to do sales, the more we sell the better we live.
Money is important. Best way to be in business is to be in business. Adapt, change, twist, shift but get rid of your doubt and take action, don’t be afraid to fail and you will succeed if you will take action – now!
Remember that goals should be not too hard and not too easy.
You can only achieve a goal when it’s just right. There can be daily goals or long term goals.
Here I’m talking about creative long term goal.
You see when you have nothing to offer, the easiest thing will be to create something from your inside. For example an info product.
You gotta think 24/7 about your goal, but when you have no goal you don’t have anything to think about.
Goals are there so that you would make progress. If you don’t make daily progress you become one step behind because most people do daily progress. Others who don’t do progress are left behind.
You can’t be a failure if you don’t try anything.
You can pick any goal you like, but if you’ll pick a difficult goal – most likely you won’t achieve it. If you’ll pick something easy, you will be comfortable.
Life can only expand itself when you get uncomfortable.
Get uncomfortable – achieve your goal.
Pessimism is true realism. Being a pessimist isn’t anything bad, it’s just your personal outlook on the world. Realism is made out of pessimism.
The problem with positive thinking is that is delusional. Being positive or negative – doesn’t change the end result. You can be positive about certain things. Things from your past. If you know that you smoked yesterday, you will be positive that you’ll smoke today. If you drinked alcohol half of your life, you gotta be positive because you gonna drink later in life.
While being positive or negative – doesn’t affect your realism. You’re a realist when you accept what’s coming without telling fairy tales to yourself.
If you’re sick with schizophrenia, like I am, you gotta be a realist that you won’t be healed despite how many drugs you take in.
Realism is the true expectation and understanding of the situation. Positive thinkers are delusional, but I’ve never saw a happy guy who’s negative. Negative people struggle with life, they want to be positive but life doesn’t give them a chance. Realists accept things as they are. Realist don’t draw conclusions. It’s the pre conclusion which makes a person negative or positive.
You can conclude, that if you’re 30 years and you spend most of the time indoors at home, the next day you’ll be at home, indoors. That’s realism. But positive thinking is your pre conclusion that someday you won’t be indoors all the time.
Is the bottle half empty or half full? To realist, it doesn’t change the thing. The bottle is half, nor empty, nor full. Positive and negative thinking are just one’s outtakes on life.
To be a realist – you have to accept what is without being delusional about it. Both negativity and positivity are delusions in a world that is neutral. At least in human relationships. If you put yourself out there 33% people will love you 33% gonna hate you for no reason and 34% won’t give a damn. That’s being a realist. Being positive would mean, that all 100% of people will love you and being negative would mean, that all 100% people will hate you.
To be a realist you gotta deny all pre conclusions. Because most people conclute things before the fact. Realists accept that they don’t know if god exists, positive people believe in god, negative don’t. You can’t be negative and believe in god, there are no atheists in sinking ships. Everybody wants to be alive and living, existing.
Survival of the fittest means that people live good when they adapt. Who can adapt to the world are living and who can’t are dead.
Realism is being real and true to yourself, if you are lazy, like me, you gotta accept that you will be lazy all of your life. Lazy people don’t become active unless their environment changes. You can’t change your environment unless you move. Reality adapts to our behavior, we can adapt the world to our needs since nature is harsh, nor beautiful, nor disgusting. You got to accept that.
How do you become a realist?
It’s simple, accept things as they are and don’t wish for life you will never have, because it ain’t happening.
You know positivity is what keeps us going during harsh times. If you want to achieve a goal – you have to be positive.
In the end, negative thinking is what stops you from doing the work you need to do.
Negativity is what pushes away all positive people. No positive person wants to be with a negative one.
Negative people most likely are toxic people. You don’t want to be around a person who is negative and toxic because he will always bring you down. You don’t want to be around people who kill all your ambitions.
If you have strong ambitions – you most likely will achieve your goals if there aren’t people who will talk you out of it.
When you want to quit drinking, smoking and other stuff – did you notice that there are people who will tell you that you can’t do it? That you can’t do it – these are the negative toxic people. You want to stay away from these people. Because all they do is bring you down.
Do you have a big vision? That someday your life will be different? That someday you will be a millionaire or a billionaire? It’s not enough to want – you need to take massive action.
Because without action – there won’t be any results. And here comes the positive thinking.
Positive thinking allows you to move forward. It gets the ball rolling.
When you first start out to be positive it will be hard, because the negative mind will always resist.
How long it took you to develop your negative thinking. 10 years? 20 years? 30 years? You saw that life isn’t something that we are told in school.
Life is harsh and hostile, but did you notice – that all rich people are positive? Look at Nick Vujicic – he has no arms, no legs but therefore he enjoys life, he has a wife and kids. And million dollars.
The thing is. You can stall and be all negative. The choice is yours. It’s really your choice.
Or you can pick an occupation and be all positive about that. The thing is that positivity will make you feel better. Negative people are struggling people. Positive thinking gives you the belief that someday, if you’ll stick to a schedule and will be determined – that you can change your whole life. Sure, you can’t change your life drastically. To change life drastically – you have to adopt drastic changes.You don’t want anything drastic.
Changing your life means changing your behavior. Do whatever it takes to achieve your goals. Look at DDP yoga – they rebuild people. People who can’t walk want to walk and people who walk don’t think about walking as an advantage.
But walking is an advantage. You don’t want to be in a wheelchair, because when you’re in a wheelchair you can’t compete in running.
I know – we’re all different. Some of us can do more than others. But to change yourself to become positive. First you gotta accept your starting point. If you’re disabled like me. You can’t do much. But you can do something that is different.
We all adapt to life.
You have to know that reality, things that surround you, are neither positive, nor negative – they’re neutral. If you see half full bottle or half empty – it’s what determines your worldview.
Your worldview is how you feel about the world. If you had harsh experiences in life – you sure won’t be positive about all that and that’s not your fault.
But positivity is what makes one feel good about life. To get more from life – you gotta deserve. And we all deserve more from life, but not all can compete with this world. In capitalism, life is all about sales – the more you sell – the richer you become.
But riches won’t make you feel good. Sure money is important aspect of life, money is the best antidepressant. If money isn’t important – why all people go to work to earn money, if money isn’t important? Sure money is important – you gotta accept that.
Imagine – you have a goal – to earn money online, like I do. Then I’m forced to think how to get that money. But if I’m not positive and if I’m negative I’m going to create a barrier for myself and say that it’s not possible.
In fact, if you see a person doing what you want to do, then you know it’s possible. There are various businesses around things people love and like. Personally me, I love blogging and writing – even though I don’t see much results. But if I see Stephen King earning a lot of money. I then know it’s possible for me to earn some.
Positivity is what opens your mind to opportunities. This world is dynamic and it’s never depleted of opportunities. Sometimes opportunities are so close to you, right under your nose, but you don’t see them because you look far away.
You read this post, why?
Because you struggle with negative thinking and you know what’s harsh? Being negative is much easier than being positive. Upsetting a person is much easier than lifting the spirit.
Life fucks us all. There isn’t a person who wasn’t upset about life at least once.
Our subjective reality dictates how we feel, you can’t live good and be negative. You can only be negative if you live bad. So there’s a problem.
My duty isn’t to convince you that positivity is what makes a good life, no. First you have to accept your life because you can’t run away from negativity. True positivity is a delusion and if you want a good life, despite bad things happening – you got to be a bit delusional.
Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. It’s the way life is made. We can’t argue about the structure of reality because we don’t know what reality is. We need to accept it. Maybe we are living in the simulation, like Elon Musk and Nick Bostrom are saying. We even don’t know if god exists, over the course of many years we don’t know – some blindly believe that there is god, but when you believe in god, you move personal responsibility to god and you say that god is almighty and everything is his will, other blindly disprove god. But we have to accept that we don’t know – we have to be a bit sceptical and think critically. But it’s our choice to believe or disbelieve. I’m not here to convince that there is god.
Positive thinking is a belief that things will work out later in life, that dots will connect someway somehow. If we knew how our life would end – would we live that life? Life itself is a struggle. We have to accept it.
You want positive thinking to lead a good life. Because we’re all living in our heads. Positive or negative – it’s how you feel about things. Sure if you lose a leg, you can’t be positive and cheer about it. Most of us don’t know the story that is in other people’s minds, we can’t read minds unless somebody does the writing. And everyone is hiding. There isn’t a lot of transparent people. Most people hide themselves. Nobody’s talking and they want to be secure.
Just because when you open up, people gonna insult you for being open. I know this. Showing your insecurities and vulnerabilities is hard. But it gets easier.
You see, when you believe you can move forward. I don’t say ditch your work and pursue your passions because pursuing passions is hard. You’re going to lose money but on the other side – why lead a life you dislike?
Every negative thought has a root, because negative thought is the result of past experiences. But our past does not dictate our future. We don’t know our future. At least yet we don’t.
We can’t choose what we like to do as our occupation. I sure want to get ripped, but I don’t like going to the gym.
Our desires are integrated from the society. Society teaches us to be alike. To want the same things. Don’t we all want more money.
Society wants to scare us. That if we don’t work – we are going to be homeless.
You gotta pay for everything.
That said. Our desires come from our social conditioning. If your parents are ambitionless, most likely you will be ambitionless and goalless.
Our body likes to do some things and other things it doesn’t like to do – our likes are integrated, engraved in the body.
We can’t choose the body we get. The body has desires, wants, likes and needs. I would love to quit eating and shitting, but I can’t do that. The needs are engraved in the body.
I sure would love to learn to play guitar, but the body doesn’t want to pick the guitar and start playing.
We can choose what we want. It’s the desire. But deep in the body, the body chooses itself what it wants and what it likes to do. Better not to interfere with the body.
It seems like the body itself has a mission. A thing what it needs to do here, in this world.
There are things that attract the body and there are things that disgust the body. You can’t change your body.
That said it’s better not to force the body to change. Because people don’t change, the environment changes the people. If the body is living okay, he won’t change. The body would change if it would get uncomfortable in current environment.
Real hunger makes body do drastic things. This body is much stronger than it appears. It can kill and slay. Just to survive. Everybody wants to live in comfort. While the body is comfortable, he won’t do drastic things.
As I said, our desires, wants, likes, needs are engraved in the body. We can’t choose our body, our face, our size, our height.
Just let the body run, it knows what to do. Because it has super computer integrated – subconscious mind. The conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg.
Stimulus is stimulating us 24/7 and it’s told that the reality we experience as now is in fact lag of the near past.
Stars we see in the cosmos. Is the lag, because starlight has to travel through the space and it takes some time.
I’m a big fan of determined life. I bet all life is determined, since we experience reality as lag. But it sure doesn’t seem like that, but it is. A lag. Because the brain has to convert the signal to make the reality we experience and it takes time.
If you get a phone ring, you will be tempting to check it out. Ignoring is also a response. So the stimulus which is stimulating us it sends various signals to our brain and our brain has to respond. Our subconscious mind does all the decisions before conscious mind is aware of it.
Stimulus can be external or internal. When you want to poop – it’s also stimulus and you go there – to poop.
Human body has a lot of senses. When you’re hot, when you’re cold. When you’re full of food. When you’re hungry. That’s senses and senses stimulate us to take action from the inside.
You can imagine yourself as being a doll. Which is moved by the strings of higher entities.
We are controlled by chemical, biological and physical forces, the planet is much more powerful than we can imagine. This planet – all it wants to do is kill us. And we have to resist all those chemical, biological and physical forces, otherwise we die.
In fact the experience in this world is hostile, most of things want to kill us.
Most hostile animals don’t see us as humans, they see us as food.
Did you know that music shifts your perception of reality? If you listed to happy music – you most likely will be happy. So choose carefully what you listen to, because music has to do something with your mood. Music is a great stimulus.
So the planet keeps us stimulating, and we respond to stimulus. External stimulus is out of control to the body itself. Meaning that external forces guide the life you experience. Since the stimulus forces are external, it pretty much determines all your life.
But we have the sense that we are free, when in fact we are not. Every human being seeks freedom. But ya’ know – you gotta eat and shit, sleep and drink water, breathe – that’s far away from freedom. To experience real freedom you have to be not in the system, but non existence isn’t an experience. Because there isn’t anybody to experience.
I wanted to get ripped, but I couldn’t achieve it.
I quit the gym.
Now I want to grow a beard for 365 days.
Personally me, I know that achieving goals is hard because I haven’t achieved most of my goals. When things get tough I change the goal. It has to do something with my disease.
I don’t have a firm goal.
My goals change every day but blogging is one of things which I did the longest and still do. Despite the fact that I have only some readers.
Achieving goals is hard because reality resists.
Thanks for reading my blog.
… because I need to lose weight, I don’t need muscle.
I chose this bike.
It’s Christopeit BT 4.
Gonna exercise at home, and save some money. This device only costs 199€. So it’s cheap.
Gonna have a blast.
Not too much results, but let’s make it a habit – to post photos of my ‘progress’.
Lookin’ good. 🙂
After some time gonna look like Big Z
See ya in the gym tuesday. 🙂
Today I went to the gym, walked on a treadmill for 15 minutes and did a leg extension. I realized it’s boring to go to the gym.
Probably will quit, because it’s booooring. There is nothing that interests me. And the results – they are invisible.
Yeah, sure I’m quitting the gym.
Nah, man I’m just joking. Gonna go to the gym tuesday.
Today I weighed myself and I weigh 109.5 kg.
The weight is going down in small portions.
It’s good to know that I’m losing weight.
… but still will go to the gym.
Gonna walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes and gonna do leg exercises, will try to do full body workout.
Today’s a nice day. 🙂
See ya in the gym…
This is how I look after 5 days in the gym.
See ya tomorrow at the gym.
Today I met my friend, he bought us both a kebab and french fries with 7up. It was tasty, sucks that it’s junk food but I liked it. We didn’t finish the whole kebab.
His sister lives next to my house. So we met outside, he’s a well guy. He told that he sew his clothes in school. He looks very nice with those clothes and a bald head with that beard. He’s an awesome guy.
Then I went with him to the bus stop. He smoked two cigarettes and I smoked two cigarillos.
Today was a fine day. Tomorrow I will see you at the gym. Gonna go exercise tomorrow.
See ya all.
You know walking without destination is really dull.
I was thinking I’ll walk longer but as I went outside – I felt the boredom. I didn’t have any goals, nor any destination.
But it’s a little walk – it’s still okay. Smoked one cigarillo on a bench in my neighborhood.
Today I gonna meet one of my friends which I found in mental house. He’s a nice guy. But I advice not to drink with him, because when he drinks – he becomes insane. He sliced the cheek of his friend when he was drunk. He’s a dangerous guy when he’s drunk…
Had a good night’s sleep. I’m a bit tired. But ain’t going to the gym.
Gonna go for a walk around my neighborhood.
Today I didn’t go on the bike. Today I went on a treadmill. First time it was a bit scary. Didn’t know how to use it.
But some guy from the gym showed me. It’s easy and there is a big stop button. It was kinda strange when it stopped. It looked like the earth was shaking. Fun stuff. The treadmill is better than the bike. Gotta admit that. 🙂
Today was a fun day at the gym. One guy told me that calories don’t matter. There’s no such thing as calories in and calories out. Maybe it’s just gossip.
By the way. The snickers chocolate bar has 488 calories. To burn 488 calories you have to ride a bike for an hour and a half. That’s a lot. :O