Business isn’t as easy as I expected it to be.

I’m not a businessman. I’m a writer, but writing is also a business.

Whatever you do in life – you got to make sales.

There’s a business at every place you go. Business there, business here. Everything is business.

But man, business is harsh.

I thought at first, that I’ll pop some t-shirts and people will willingly buy those t-shirts. But it appeared that nobody needs a new t-shirt.

Over the course of 1 year maybe less. I sold just two t-shirts.

Man it was timing. I was lucky.

I realized people don’t need things I’m offering. Everybody needs free. Nobody’s willing to support me. Although I had some donations, Sold a Happy Birthday video and earned 5€ yesterday. I was lucky. If it’s not luck I don’t know what it is.

To sell you got to be lucky.

Anyway producing products and content is really hard. I don’t know how much you have to pay to produce 10 000€ product. I sure couldn’t produce this kind of content or product.

I realized that this world is just business, there’s nothing personal in this world amongst people. It’s just business.

There’s barely few friendships going on.

My life is pretty dull but I’m glad that I don’t have to work. I sure would love to be a blogger, have people who support me. Because man, life is though. Life is hard, it would be even harder if I had to work.

People make fun of me because I’m a paranoid schizophrenic.

I don’t feel stupid, but I feel that I was born into an alien world. This world isn’t my world. I feel like an alien. Somebody who’s not needed.

When I was a kid. I thought that every person is happy to meet me and I was hoping that this world isn’t full of disgust, filth and scum.

But as I got older. I started seeing all the disgust, filth, scum and nonsense. I don’t believe there’s god. Because why would god create such a disgusting world.

People are creating a dump out of this world. People and some animals are hostile to humans. It doesn’t look like this place is friendly. Man, the place is hostile. I’m lucky to be alive.

When I was a kid, I was naive, but my naivety dropped when I got older. I thought that this place is where we are the big family. But many people don’t like me, many people don’t care. And I too, don’t care and don’t like back.

I used to like people, but many people are grown up motherfuckers and assholes. Anyway this world has destroyed me.

First they killed my father when I was 6 years old, my brother wasn’t born yet. It would be different if I had a father. It would be way different. Then this girl killed my child, well not child, but my sperm. It would be different if I had kids. I would be happy.

Then they tricked and scammed me with jobs.

Like everyone’s cool and I’m not.

I no longer care if these fucking people accept me. I won’t work for you ever. I would rather starve than serve.

In school they laughed at me, they still laugh at me now. As if I was a joker. Sure I do jokes, but people don’t get my jokes. The jokes are on you, you fucking morons. Not you – them. We’re cool man.

Life would be different if I didn’t have an open heart surgery, life would be different if I wouldn’t have schizophrenia. But now it is what it is.

Unfortunately I wasn’t born beautiful. Because people follow you for two reasons. Either you look good, or do good. I’m neither.

You can bleed on a page as much as you want because literally there’s nobody who cares. And I’m writing this for one person. I don’t care about the rest. You can suck my dick.

Today I’m kinda not in a mood.

My dreams haven’t come true. Sure my dream was easy, just to blog. But I wanted to connect to people, find new friends, now I don’t care.

I don’t care about this planet. I don’t care who’s in Lithuanian parliament. I don’t care what currency I use. I don’t care about the readers.

Back in the day I was different, but now it is what it is.

Business is hard, barely anyone buys my books. Barely anyone watches my videos and barely anyone wants to connect. But I no longer care.

It’s funny how I don’t like most people, but still writing for people.

I imagined that I would be rich, married, with a funny job, because I seeked fun all the time. Because I wanted my life to be fun.

But there’s so little fun in life. Everything is dark. I’m not like that, but my life is like that.

не мы такие жизнь такая

My life goes somewhere. I wanted so bad to be loved by people but now I feel as an outcast. People don’t like me, I don’t like them back.

It is sure hard to find caring people. I know most people aren’t bad, I just don’t know them.

Few days ago some guy committed suicide on Facebook, 300 people were watching and encouraging the guy to hang himself. Now you see that most people don’t like each other. It’s not me alone.

Why bother working? Why bother buying beautiful clothes, if in reality only your mother loves you – if you have one, that is.

But most mothers don’t like their kids. Fathers also don’t like their kids. If you have at least one person who’s warm to you – you’ve been blessed in this cruel world.

I don’t know what type of god created this world.

A person comes naked into this world, and goes out with a shiny jacked. Nobody cares about the people, if we would care really, people like Keith Flint and Chester Bennington wouldn’t kill themselves. You people truly kill world’s geniuses. There are more people who have killed themselves because of you, there isn’t any help if you’re fucked up.

There’s any love in this place. Just hate. People hating each other for their race, for money, for something else. Sexysm, racism, nationalism. Personally me, I don’t hate. I just don’t like people, that’s why I’m always at home. Because people piss me off.

People teach each other to hate. And rich people don’t want poor people to be rich. The rich want poor to stay poor. Most people don’t have the power to change the world. People say, if you want to change the world, change yourself. But how can I change towards good when I see the cruelty of the world?

You can’t change the world. It’s better to adapt to the world. It is how it is. But if you want to have children in this disgusting place, you’d better think twice because people don’t want to be born. Many people wish they were dead. Life is a fucked up place.

I’m done for now.