Stuck in a rut.

The bottom probably is more competitive than the top. Just because more people are living at the bottom than at the top.

All my life, well, not all, but most of my life I’m stuck in a rut. In this rat race to the bottom. Sure I just could go get a job and then whine how everything’s fucked up in this system.

People, instead of collaborating – compete with each other. Human to human is a wolf. Everybody wants to suck your cash out.

It pisses me that there is no work. I have to create my own work and be the salesman, the director, the marketing guy and whatnot.

During these past six or ten years I was trying to build my online empire and what did I get in return? Almost nothing. It seems to me that I’m still stuck in the same rut.

People are the same everywhere. People can rise you to the top or they can ignore you and shove you to the bottom. And man I’m in the bottom.

Even when there’s this abundance. I still have this scarcity mentality. There’s never enough for me. Living with scarcity is sure not comfortable. Over the last 4 years I extended my comfort zone where I’m comfortable to do funny stuff online. But I’m still stuck in the rut.

This is a problem which I can’t solve and this problem is difficult, how do you become wealthy whilst not working? Do I really have to sell myself?

Sales is the most fucked up field on the planet. When you have this product you then have to sell it. If you give away stuff for free – nobody’s going to value it and I don’t want to live in a world – where you don’t have the access to information and everything is for sale. I want a world where everything is for free.

When I write to these integration institutions all they want to do is change and shift me, not integrate me to the market as I am.

And years, years. I’m just failing. I got used to failure as if failure was my friend.

Every project that I think of – nobody’s liking. So I will stick to things that I’m currently doing. Videos, text and audio.

Because as I said before – there’s a lot of opportunity to do stuff for free, but then again free won’t give you money on the table. Sometimes I think that free is shit.

Creating videos, text and audios costs me nothing. I don’t believe it doesn’t have any market value. The biggest thing I can get from you is your time, but your time won’t put food on my table – so I have to think how to get your cash and I don’t want to be a sellout who sells shit to shitty people.

I’m trying my best to create the best stuff I can, but as I noticed – it’s never good enough – so I’m stuck in a rut.