Date2019-01-12

The story of how smart people took away our resources.

I believe there’s a conspiracy against a simple man.

Simple man, he can’t ever be rich despite his work.

Simple man, can’t go to the woods to take a fish if he doesn’t own the pond.

Here in Lithuania you have to pay money to catch a fish by yourself. Soon you won’t be able to smoke in your own balcony

Smart people are trying to create a world that is purely for them. Nobody thinks about the simple man, he has to think for himself. Even when he comes up with a great idea, he then will stumble upon a wall of rejections.

Before I started writing I believed that you write a book and a blog or whatever – and people come with joy to read it. But in fact it’s the opposite of true.

The future of writing is click bait titles just to get clicks. Nobody likes when someone goes against the grind. People have no choice but to lead the crowd somewhere. A leader without a followers is just taking a walk.

Smart people took away all our resources and now – we have to pay for what we produce by ourselves. I make a shoe at the factory and then go to the store to buy the same shoe I made and the shoe costs more than I was given to produce it.

It’s ridiculous how capitalism works. Prices go up every year and what you’ve earned yesterday is not enough for today. Prices just keep rising despite what everybody wants.

I believe that the world is made by greedy capitalists. There are many ideas how to improve the world but the rich don’t want it. Rich want to be rich and instruct those who have no influence and power.

For example me: I don’t want to adapt to the market, Why can’t the market adapt to me? When we talk about integration, everybody wants to take a person and shift and turn him so he would fit in. This is nonsense.

The capitalism doesn’t work for most of us. People work all their lives and barely meet ends. And the world is abundant there is so much of everything but everything is just right under the price tag.

How much I can produce with little to no help. The society itself doesn’t want me working, they instead give me a disability check so I would stay shut.

When ever I write to some firms and tell them I can work for you – nobody needs me.

Imagine the world where you have to be misemployed. You have these awesome skills and awesome knowledge and yet – you don’t fit in.

Fuck those rich guys. I know that my blog could be popular and good, but the problem with the web is that people want to make money out of your work. Nobody needs my blog to be seen – just me.

And the web by itself is flooded by nonsense. Imagine I have 1100 videos on youtube and they just get 2000 impressions per day.

Take away good things from a guy and don’t let him be angry, put him in the mental house.

Fuck the world and the way it’s built. I know those people are smart and I’m not, because if it was vice versa I would be smart.

You can be as smart as you want, but if you don’t have the resources or money – nobody’s going to listen to you, why? Because nobody is ever listening to a simple man.

The real joy of life.

I assume most of you aren’t into writing and I assume you are poor if you’re into writing because I’m not getting any deals. Anyway.

I wanted to write about the real joy of life.

You see, a lot of people believe that joy is in the bank, especially when there’s a million bucks in the bank. Yeah this if one of joys.

But the biggest joy in life is to go to sleep without any pills.

I’ve been on pills, on meds for last 6 years and not just sleeping pills but serious antipsychotic drugs.

And I can say that sleeping without pills is the most sincere thing I miss.

Just recently I popped Olanzapine 10 mg. It doesn’t instantly turn off your brain but it makes you sleepy and being sleepy and sleep in general is something I miss.

When I have these creative urges. I can sit on my laptop and write the shit out for several hours and I can’t sleep.

I didn’t know what happened to my life.

Did I forget how to live? Or schizophrenia struck me so badly?

I remember the days when I was sleeping good without pills. I remember when I was drinking and having this great time with my friends and now I don’t want to party, to play games, to fuck girls – I don’t want anything, just to have a good night’s sleep.

Sleep is very important but when I have these creative urges I just can’t sleep and pills don’t work.

I just want to sleep – fuck all those life achievements. I don’t need that cash because cash won’t buy me this wonderful night’s sleep.

I would say that sleeping is it most awesome thing invented by god. I have this rush of thoughts all day long and it pisses me off.

I just would like to shut my brain for a brief moment because this constant thinking can drive most people insane. I just want to create and write and sleep. I don’t need anything.

I’ve been vegetating for 10 years. I don’t want to live. I want to write and sleep, eat and shit. This is what’s fun for me. Because I’m a laser-focused person.

If I told myself that I will make cash online, probably I will – it’s just a matter of time.

There’s this big abundance and still you have to work.

I know cookies aren’t going to bake themselves but man. I see shops flooded with goods – who’s making all this stuff? There’s countless number of workers in the world and people are producing goods every single day.

When some of us don’t work, others work.

Since my birth I was thinking man why do I have to work, I never wanted to work because there is no work I want to do. Well I want to do work but not in the job.

I see these gamers getting big dollars from twitch and many other streamers, gamers, vloggers – these people aren’t producing any goods to the store and yet they are rich.

I assume people don’t care how you earn money as long as you earn.

Pornstars, they just fuck and suck a dick and boom they earn a pretty decent income – man what are those pornstars producing? Yeah – nothing.

The world runs on interests of other people. If you write an article for somebody, you get cash, when you write the same article for yourself – you earn nothing. Just because you don’t have to pay for yourself.

Let’s assume I earn 15€ per written 500 word article if someone buys it from me, but when I write for myself. Like I want. Every 500 word article is produced which is worth 15€. My blog has atleast 60 000 words so what, my blog is worth 1800€? Yeah it would be great if it was so, but it isn’t. Producing and giving away content will never make you rich. It has to be a sales factor which will make you money.

I don’t understand. When you do things for yourself – you’re a parazite which doesn’t ‘contribute’ but when you do the same thing for somebody – you’re a decent man and functional. Man this is so weird. I just can’t grasp it.

There needs to be work revolution or even an evolution, because now it just doesn’t make any sense.

Let’s assume I’m a writer. My job is to write articles for someone. When I have a client it’s okay, everything is fine, but what to do when I don’t have a client? Waste my skills? Not write articles?

If everyone just did things we’re payed for it would be even less articles on the web. People want to give away stuff for free, but some prefer to take money for their services. I’m doing everything for free because I’m a writer.

I’m born to write. Writing is my interest, but it’s also your interest because you come to read these articles and deep inside I shouldn’t be called a parazite that doesn’t bring any value to the table. I don’t want to be this disabled guy who can’t do anything. But the problem is that many people just don’t like what I do and want me to do something else for money. It’s just plain nonsense.

Because as a writer I should be searching for clients? No. Clients should come to me and offer me a deal. Because when I need something done I go to guys who are already doing this shit and offer them a deal.

Sure my writing isn’t grammar correct because now I’m writing without editing software but whatever man. We need to make written language as easy as it might be. Fuck commas.

The world is abundant, but people like me – who do the work, don’t get anything from the world just couple of pizzas and few packs of cigarettes and man I am pissed about this issue.

My work depends on the audience. If the audience likes– yay I earn cash, if there’s no audience – I make nothing and it sucks. But despite the audience I do the work. I truly try to make my articles a good read even if some of you don’t like them.

Just don’t call me lazy and don’t tell me that I do nothing. Instead give me cash or give me a deal so I could write some word vomit for you.

The dull evening.

I sit at my desk and listen to some psychedelic trance.

I ordered a pizza and it’s been 1:45 hours and I’m still waiting.

This evening I’m feeling very dull and somewhat bored.

I hate days like these just because I feel that I’m missing out on life big time. All these rich guys are fucking girls on a yacht in sunny malibu and I’m stuck here alone in my room.

The only thing I can do when I’m dull and bored is to listen to music and write because writing helps. Looked at my blog stats barely someone reads my shit, well no wonder – I don’t write how to do shit and top ten games on android. It’s no wonder.

During my life I realized that most people don’t want to be friends with you when you’re different. Of course we all are different but I don’t really like most people because most of them live by status quo and principes.

As it appears to me, most people are delusional or maybe, I guess, I’m the one being delusional. I get absolutely no support from the crowd.

As “Leningrad” sings: “if you want to be free you gotta be alone“.

But I have to admit being alone sucks. I bet every man wants a girlfriend. Because let’s admit if you’re struggling with nihilism you don’t like life in general.

I’m fed up with doing my vlog, I’m fed up doing podcasts but I still do them but as big businessmen guru’s say – don’t do stuff that is not effective.

By not effective they mean don’t do stuff that brings you no results. Sure I could market by blog, spend thousands on ads but it’s not worth it. I’m not selling anything. I have some shit listed but personally I won’t buy it because it’s useless.

I started this blog to connect with people, I’ve been connecting with people for the past 10 years. Barely connected to anyone – whatever man, I’m dull and bored this evening.

Whatever I do I don’t fit into the mainstream format, but you know – what doesn’t fit into the format of the majority won’t make you money but whatever man. I’m here to self express.

I realized that I don’t like business at all, all business is based on sales. The more you sell – the better for the business. But for people who don’t do business and don’t work – the whole world is under a lock.

At first I though, hey man there’s this matrix, maybe I can unlock the world via the computer but I guess I can’t. Being popular and making your message spread is like really hard. Especially when you’re a nobody like I am. Spreading your message is harder than Seth Godin says.

I’ve been trying to spread the message for almost a decade and yet, nothing magical happened. I guess I’m stuck with this locked world forever…

… and that’s dull and boring.

Stuck in a rut.

The bottom probably is more competitive than the top. Just because more people are living at the bottom than at the top.

All my life, well, not all, but most of my life I’m stuck in a rut. In this rat race to the bottom. Sure I just could go get a job and then whine how everything’s fucked up in this system.

People, instead of collaborating – compete with each other. Human to human is a wolf. Everybody wants to suck your cash out.

It pisses me that there is no work. I have to create my own work and be the salesman, the director, the marketing guy and whatnot.

During these past six or ten years I was trying to build my online empire and what did I get in return? Almost nothing. It seems to me that I’m still stuck in the same rut.

People are the same everywhere. People can rise you to the top or they can ignore you and shove you to the bottom. And man I’m in the bottom.

Even when there’s this abundance. I still have this scarcity mentality. There’s never enough for me. Living with scarcity is sure not comfortable. Over the last 4 years I extended my comfort zone where I’m comfortable to do funny stuff online. But I’m still stuck in the rut.

This is a problem which I can’t solve and this problem is difficult, how do you become wealthy whilst not working? Do I really have to sell myself?

Sales is the most fucked up field on the planet. When you have this product you then have to sell it. If you give away stuff for free – nobody’s going to value it and I don’t want to live in a world – where you don’t have the access to information and everything is for sale. I want a world where everything is for free.

When I write to these integration institutions all they want to do is change and shift me, not integrate me to the market as I am.

And years, years. I’m just failing. I got used to failure as if failure was my friend.

Every project that I think of – nobody’s liking. So I will stick to things that I’m currently doing. Videos, text and audio.

Because as I said before – there’s a lot of opportunity to do stuff for free, but then again free won’t give you money on the table. Sometimes I think that free is shit.

Creating videos, text and audios costs me nothing. I don’t believe it doesn’t have any market value. The biggest thing I can get from you is your time, but your time won’t put food on my table – so I have to think how to get your cash and I don’t want to be a sellout who sells shit to shitty people.

I’m trying my best to create the best stuff I can, but as I noticed – it’s never good enough – so I’m stuck in a rut.

Tooth pain.

When I got sick with schizophrenia I got this lack of motivation. I realized that there is no free will, but there is theoretical freedom. There can’t be real freedom in a place where we have to adapt.

Anyway this post isn’t about freedom or free will.

I wanted to tell that after schizophrenia I got so lazy and lost my happy life.

Most of my teeth are broken and shattered and I keep popping pills to reduce the pain. I never had this big love for dentists and if I would be truly free I wouldn’t go to dentists ever but since I’m not free I have a theoretical choice to fix my teeth or not to.

People are talking about multiverse and parallel worlds that we live in a world of multiple possibilities, but I just wanted to tell you that there is no you elsewhere just here and you’re reading or skimming through this blog.

There is no you which is successful or not successful, there isn’t another you – just you. Just because if there was this type of thing I would jump into a ‘parallel’ world where my teeth are good, right? Why would I have to go to the dentist when I just could do quantum jump.

These theories are for weak and not so smart people. Because let’s admit – everybody wants an easy way to get to their dreams.

People who don’t understand money want money. Man you need knowledge to turn around a lot of money. I bet none of the rich read my blog because rich people have more stuff to do than poor fucks like you and me.

It’s nothing bad to be poor because the majority of people aren’t rich. Money isn’t about the number but the things you can get for the money. There is no need to store money in your closet. Money is simply a tool to exchange in the market.

So if you can’t produce what the market wants – you won’t be rich and just quit dreaming that fortune will come whilst you sit at home and read blogs about money – I’ve been doing this stuff for years and gained a lot of knowledge about money but I have no money to start with. Just because my income is like 200€ per month. I give it all away to my mother because with 200€ you just can wipe your ass or buy some food just to not to die.

My teeth are bad and I need money so bad to fix all those teeth, but as I said I would rather do a quantum jump but quantum jump theories are just opium for the masses. The is no quantum jumping and there only is one you and one me.

Multiverse is theoretical. Real reality is practical.

And when we live in practical worlds – we need practical things to save our practical body.

Last drop of ketchup.

A week ago, I guess, I was at my grandmother. She took a cold pizza from the freezer and put it into the microwave oven.

As the pizza was ready, she gave the pizza and a bag of ketchup. I sure squeezed that shit out and man there was this last drop of ketchup and she wanted to store it. I was like “woman, what are you doing?

Even when you save up the last drop of ketchup it’s still – one drop, it’s good for nothing unless you want your family to make fun of you. Who you’re going to impress with one drop of ketchup these days?

This made me think, that most people of the post soviet union are still living in scarcity, even when there are thousands upon thousands products in the market shop – you still need money and people here are like really poor.

Everyone is driving a car which is like 10 years old, these cars are like garbage cars for 200€-500€ and this makes me think.

Why is our country so poor? 

Why do we have this scarcity mentality when the place is really abundant?

Every country has people who have no shelter, no food but there are institutions which give food for those who have the lack of it.

I guess the problem lies in the mind, because when people are poor they do stuff, but rarely have time to think through what they’re doing.

There’s this great opportunity to give away things for free, at least online, but when you want to make money – you don’t have any opportunities. I sure don’t want to be a cashier and count cash of strangers.

The world is abundant and people still live in scarcity. It’s so strange, as if there is no money for people, when the people print cash everyday. Cash pops out out of nowhere everyday and people keep printing it.

The main factor would be that a person is poor due to fact that he can no longer offer something of value to the market.

When people around you can’t earn money then you can’t sell anything to these people because, well, they are poor.

There’s only couple of solutions to a person who has no money.

  • Become a parazite.
  • Get a job.

These solutions are normal, but doing things you don’t want to do in a job is simply a chore. Arnold said there are 75% people in America who hate their job.

If we are living in this world, we should make this world as heaven, just because we create the rules and we do things we want to do. If nobody wants to work in some places – we’d terminate that place.

When people are aimless, goalless, without direction – then they go to work at whatever is in the market. The market itself is ruthless, the market has no mercy and in the market there is no socializing. Everybody comes to the market to exchange goods but when I see stuff given away for free online. I start to think that people actually want to giveaway stuff for free, just because stuff online is easy to produce and distribute. After I hit publish the whole world can see my stuff but the market chooses to ignore my post. That’s why the market is ruthless.

If you don’t sell anything. You won’t be rich, but you can be productive – but then people will tell you that you don’t have a job and you are a parazite.

As if we just survive by doing stuff that sells.

Imagine if every creator of the web put a price tag of 0.01 cent on every piece of text, video and audio – the web would cost money. The web by itself does not run for free. Somebody has to pay for the servers, for the ads and somebody has to buy something – that’s how the web works.

Sure I could put a price tag on my blog, but who would read it, when its audience isn’t big?

So back to the topic – don’t save your last drop of ketchup because you won’t impress anybody with that drop.

The Godly dream.

Yesterday I popped Olanzapine Actavis 10mg and had this weird dream.

At first I was dreaming that I’m playing an mmorpg game and level upped to be Goku

Son Goku

Then the second part of the dream came. Where I was myself and I had this calling to go to the church. As you know I’m not religious but I often get these Godly dreams were the dream itself is calling me to go to the church.

Then I met a priest, he was telling all these good things about the matrix and he let me to the creator of the ‘matrix’ which was some sort of an intelligent alien looking like a crab and that bastard stabbed me into the heart with a knife.

And then this song sang in my head “If you want to live forever – come to the church, come to the church”

All I can say that these pills: cisordinol and olanzapine and the xeplion injection make my dreams so awesome. I have to admit: every night I live somewhat 15 minutes in a dream. And my dreams are getting weirder and weirder.

Sometimes I dream about Transformers and The Matrix and I often mindfuck the whole matrix. It’s weird man.

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