I hope you can relate

There are many stories about the fact that people don’t know what they want, they don’t have laser targeted focus.

But on the other hand, there are people like me, who have some useless goals and when they want to achieve something big but the next day they wake up and no longer want that – this I call a temporary goal.

So it’s better to not talk about your goals just because most of them you won’t accomplish…and you know how people look when you don’t deliver.

PS: I started writing a book yesterday and wrote 1700 words and put in kindle preorder and today I woke up, realizing I don’t want to write any books.

Book writing takes long and is a dull boring work. I simply don’t like it while on the other hand blogging is good because I write it with small chunks of text which I have the goal to do.

When it comes to book writing it’s really hard to make it a book. It’s hard to talk about the same thing over and over. It’s hard to create some sort of a scenario.

The reality is, if people don’t read your blog – they won’t read your book. I know this because I made some short books, nobody needs them although I have some sales but whatever.

I just no longer know what can I help the society, I try my best but people don’t need my effort.

I know that people with my kind of ‘thinking’ will end up being bums in this society because the society has very high standards.

In the end I just hope I won’t lose my mind… forever because then I will be in the mental house with all other mentally incapable to live and it kind of sucks, only those with mental disease can relate to you, but normal people can’t.

My all live is dictated by urges and cravings. Yesterday I cried to my teddy bear and at least I wasn’t ignored by it. Being alone is hard and I realized no matter what you’ll do – you will be alone because nobody else can relate to the inner cosmos you have.

As for the book: I won’t write it not because I don’t want to but because I can’t. My thoughts aren’t straight. My thoughts are all over the place.

These are just ramblings of a mentally ill person… I just have to accept it and it sucks that I’m stuck in my head and can’t get out. All these fucking mood swings, one minute I’m happy, the next I’m sad. It pisses me off.

Nobody can understand a person who can’t understand himself.

People say you should upload something unfinished but I think it’s finished.

It’s about life.

life unfinished book


While alive some things just happen – don’t they? I doubt someone has asked to pop out of a woman. Life is full of mediocre people who want to be bigger than life but as we become bigger – life gets bigger and we get bigger and life gets bigger and eventually we will be so big that we’re not going to fit in the universe – that’s life.

Life is what we all share. The plain old boring and dull life were we do stuff just to survive, just to move to the next day so we could do more stuff so we could move to the next day until it’s all over.

In some countries life is easy, in some hard but at the end – does it really make a difference?

Everyone can pursue his own dreams and aspirations but not all aspirations lead to fortune and fame, yet we still aspire to be bigger than life like heroes in movies because those we had seen on our screens but what about the lives of those whom we never see on a big screen?

The average life on this planet is a life of an ordinary man who is living the ordinary life. He’s not famous and he’s not rich and he’s definitely average – everyone is pursuing millions in wealth but yet, you can only shit in one toilet, wear one pair of shoes and sleep in one bed. Yet everybody is pursuing it. Wealth gives us choice, money is good for the soul but an average man will never have a lot of money just because he can’t grasp money. Money is a difficult concept but I don’t want to talk about money because I pursue fun and think that fun is the most valuable aspect in life just because everybody has to pay for their fun. Think in terms of vodka, cigarettes the shit that destroys a man from the inside.

You have to go a long dark boring path to realize that most of the things that society offers is just plain garbage. When people like me go to the market and look around – they find nothing to buy. People have to adapt to being normal citizens after years of wreckage.

In this society. In the western culture being self destructive is normal and destructing the environment is normal but to be frank I don’t care – I have 30-60 years left to produce some good stuff amongst all the wreckage.

Life is going to happen wherever you want it or not. It’s not always beautiful but at least it’s real. Life is real, your pain is real, my pain is real – what evidence does one need to have to know that life is real? Every person can pursue whatever he wants, yet not everything is worth doing.

When choosing life’s path it’s good to choose a path that is worth living. The least a man can do is invent a word by which he will be remembered.

Everyday I see people struggling, yet most don’t realize that conditions in many countries are so good that even a bum has a good life, he just sits on front of the shop and food and money comes in. It always was harsh but now it’s harsh for some not for all.

Back in the day there were some smart people who have survived the harsh parts of life and I’m grateful for that. Easy times make weak men and weak men create hard times. And I think everybody knows what happens during hard times… people just get tough.

Weak men simply die that’s the reality of life and there is nothing beautiful about death but death is just a transformation to another entity because energy, information and matter cannot be destroyed – at least the science tell it this way.

If one is born into the universe, he is stuck here forever. It’s kind of strange how the universe builds us up and then decomposes. You drink a glass of water and it becomes you! You eat a cow and it becomes you.

My mother told me that meaning of life is to be food for somebody and it kind of makes sense. At least until the cycle of the ecosystem isn’t disturbed. And boy, that cycle is going to be disturbed because according to Max Igan people are making a dump on this planet. He knows far more about the bad things that happen to this planet.

Disturbed ecosystems always lead to bad things because when the environment changes the specie itself cannot survive but what the hell, humans are great, the ultimate species. I never seen a rat smoke or a dog smoke or a monkey smoke until the cigarettes were made.

It takes a lot of time to understand things to really value one’s life that he has. It’s hard to value life when, well, you have only your life when you have nothing but then again, a man is born naked, god was lazy to invent all these things for a man and made a man develop things by himself.

I can no longer believe in god because he is so cruel. I accepted the fact that I don’t know that god exists and I removed all my beliefs of god. If other people believe that’s their choice not mine.

After years and years of misery and absurd and pessimism and nihilism strange things started to happen, I reclaimed my life back from the negativity.

Negativity which sucks the joy of one’s life. But then again, if everything is so good, why one should be so negative? What’s the point of negativity, to be sad? To be unhappy? To be fucked up in the head?

Joy doesn’t happen to people who don’t seek joy and enjoy things that are precious and worthy. Knowledge doesn’t come by itself and people who don’t pursue knowledge will never be as good as those who have knowledge, but what the hell is happening on this planet?

There are no rules to success, no rules to anything, just the law of gravity and the other laws but yet, there are no rules to thrive.

Years and years of work can go to waste and when the sun blows up, was it worth it? Yeah, it was because there is nothing to do in life – however you look, life is meaningless but people can add meaning to life by themselves. Because why look for the absolute meaning? The meaning of life is to live and experience life as if the universe was experiencing itself.

In western countries there’s so much abundance, yet the game is rigged. But it’s fair, if one has something good to offer he can make a good buck, but the problem is that most people have nothing valuable to offer just their time and the simple worker is devalued.

But simple workers do all the stuff and carry everyone, the rich – they make decisions, they make the dots move, they do the big things and to be honest – I’m incompetent to do those things and never will be. I just can’t and you probably can’t too.

There’s this thing in western culture that everybody can become anybody but it’s simply not true, it’s a blindfold pulled over one’s eyes which is full of lies. But I don’t want to be a naysayer who says you can’t – maybe you can, it’s up to you.

For years and years I was creating art and yet, I have got nothing major in return, being competitive in competitive monetary system is really hard because you have to compete with the best and I think everybody knows that being better than Stephen King is really impossible.

Life just happens and you’re not the best at what you do because otherwise you wouldn’t be reading my text.

We can assume that life is full of misery and negativity but that’s just in our heads because you see all these happy people cheering all day long, laughing and having fun.

One has to pursue fun and appreciate things if he wants to be happy.

There is so much abundance and happiness in the world and the last day of life should be the best day of one’s life because he is done with all this crap, if I may.

The biggest question in life is this: “How one should lead his own life?”.

And after years of thinking I came to a fairly simple answer: “The way one wants.”

There is nothing better in life than to be sincere with oneself, the higher self, the one who’s observing the actions of the body and the mind. The thought comes and then it goes and if you won’t write it down you will never remember it.

Living a life the way one wants is really hard, just because the human must adapt to the environment he is in or he has to adapt the environment to his needs. We know that people are living in space thus adaptation of the environment is possible, manipulating or working reality is possible but it kicks back sometimes.

Every person is the creator of his own life, wherever theoretically or practically or unconsciously or consciously. Some of us are awake and some of us are still sleeping.

Everything we consume affects us and our decisions so it’s better to put good stuff in our body, mind and the spirit. You can look at yourself as if you were a device:

  • Your body is a Radio.
  • Your mind is the Software.
  • Your spirit is the Music.

Everything has to be in tune to work properly. Yet I’m not talking about bending and bowing to every single dogma out there. Good stuff makes you good.

Not everybody can appreciate good stuff. The self decides what’s good, but if you follow culture you should know that culture is not your friend. The culture, often misleads those who are naive and misinformed. And believe me – there are a lot of people who are simply misinformed.


The funny thing is about writing that when you write it – you can destroy it because writing, when the web is flood with writers and bloggers is simply worthless because there’s just too much information… The problem is not creating, the problem is categorizing the information.

To conclude my lame post I just can tell that if one can’t hold a goal in his head, he probably is insane. But then again, if it takes years and years to build something ‘profitable’ you will be going just simply starve to death.

It’s always about the profits. It’s always about the profits… I spend my time creating and creating and creating and getting jack shit back… I spend time giving and giving and giving, and yet everything is not good enough.

But it would be unique if it would be only me, but there are many people who give and get jack’s shit.

The society decides wherever you’re successful or not and you can do anything about the society… as far as I noticed the society values stupidity…

When Jordan Peterson does a lection, people notice the fart not the content, so most likely the society or at least a portion of it is fart-oriented.

I just think you have to ignore the whole world to be happy, because:

ignorance is bliss

When you start to look at things how they look like, you kind of get disgusted by the world and the stuff.

I personally think the world is harsh, hostile place, the conditions are really bad, teeth decay and your body simple wears out while you’re still alive, everything hurts while you move.

Sure I can be positive about that, but as a kind person that I am – it’s really hard to watch the suffering of the world.

My acquaintance is a butcher and he said: “if people knew how the food is prepared they would not eat it, because it’s really disgusting.

At least it’s real, not fake. What else can I add to this? Probably nothing, I will come back when I’m in a better mood.